photo by: Makayla Camille
photo by: Makayla Camille
photo by: Makayla Camille
photo by: Makayla Camille

"Fountainhead" - EP

released: 8/16/21

“Fountainhead” is 3 intimate songs about grieving different parts of my life. These songs are the most honest way I can share with you. I am doing it for no one other than myself. This is how I started writing music as a kid, just my voice and an acoustic guitar. The less serious I got about writing the “perfect” song, the more serious the songs got.

Welcome back, old friend.

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Lyrics

heavy lyrics 2

down to the river
in search of prayers
hands in a cold sweat
faith in my stare
oh I’m heavy, im not ready, im not ready, im not ready
------
into the water
up to my knees
what do i want?
what do i believe?
oh I’m heavy, im not ready, im not ready, im not ready
------
hmmmm
------
into the water
up to my knees
i don’t understand, i don’t understand
into the water
fall to my knees
help me understand, help me understand
------
i’m heavy

 

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wish to forget lyrics

we don’t listen to the same songs
we cannot connect
and as i lie awake
i wish to forget
oh i wish to forget
--------
all the times i tried to write
the perfect story
all the love i never felt
out of guilt and worry
i still see us now
in opposite corners of the room
but i’m pulled away
but i’m pulled away
--------
and for years i denied anything, everything i felt
couldn’t look a photo or talk on the phone with you
but i can’t say i didn’t love anyone from my past
it just wasn’t the love i wanted to have
--------
and you saw right through me
i said i was hanging on
tried to keep it together
but i knew it was wrong

i wanted it to work
i knew it was some kind of love
i tried to rewrite
the memory of us
--------
and for years i denied anything, everything i felt
couldn’t look a photo or talk on the phone with you
but i can’t say i didn’t love anyone from my past
it just wasn’t the love i wanted to have
--------
we don’t listen to the same songs
we cannot connect
as i lie awake
i wish to forget
i wish to forget

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IMG_6551
hyaline lyrics

i am becoming hyaline
your fingers pass straight through my skin
as long as there’s light behind your eyes
child of tomorrow, no we will not die
------
we are spinning
------
i am becoming hyaline
my fingers pass straight through your skin
i wonder where i’ve been
child of tomorrow, can you forgive?
------
i am spinning

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about the Lyrics

heavy about the lyrics

“Heavy” is about not wanting to die, but not wanting to live as I am in the moment. Those few months in the thick of the grieving process were humbling, scary, and long. I tried to write about it while in it, but always shut down when trying to put the words on paper. Though through it all, I remained hopeful I would see the light again. Now being able to look back and explain what was going on is freeing. This is the story of “Heavy”.

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wish to forget about the lyrics

I heard Antoni Porowski, years ago, talk about his past relationships with women and how it would be dishonest to say that he didn’t feel anything in them. The love was real and still is real. You can’t change the past and you can’t deny what really was. Even when something is truly good and healthy, it can’t be sustainable If you know you want something/someone else. Honor it for what it was. Love knows no gender/ gender identity.

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hyaline about the lyrics

The word “Hyaline” means translucent. I’ve been thinking a lot about reincarnation and if there is such a thing. I think of reincarnation as the sudden awareness of what you’ve just lost. Like when you get a new car and not you’re aware of just how many other people have that same car. It’s that concept, just applied to a loss. I believe you are looking for the characteristics and mannerisms of the person you lost. It’s one thing to see their face, but to feel an emotion that they once made you feel is so much more powerful. I think we all grow back in one way or another through mannerisms, vocabulary, insignificant signifiers, and actions. We look for the similarities.

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credits

written by

remy styrk

produced by

remy styrk

recorded by

remy styrk

mixed + mastered by

remy styrk

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